well..here it comes.

25 dayss.

till,
well,

Floridaa (:

I'm really excited and now just because were going to florida and i'm gonna be around my best friends. Its because were going to serve others. give up ten days of our vacation to help others in need. To serve the lord. I could not be more excited about that factor of the trip.

I love my youth group with all my heart, don't get me wrong, but everyone knows that were gonna be in arguements from day one, because thats just how it goes. I love them to death , but the drama in our group is insane. Oh well, we must take the good with the bad and love it all the same.

<3

taking the high road.

turn that frown upside down.

25 days of school left. June 3rd.

Well technically it all ends on the 29th of May, but we have finals the 1st 2nd and 3rd. So i'll only be there for a few days.

So I thought since the school years coming to an end, I'll right a bit about my favorite classes.


I think my favorite class all togther has been English, Ms. Lemick is one of the very best teachers I've ever had, she explains things in a way no other teacher has. Her brutal honesty and bluntness has made that class the best her love for literature and telling the story behinde it, made the year much more enjoyable. She teaches not only english but also life lessons and the deeper meaning of things and that is why Ms. Lemick was my favorite class this year.

My 2nd favorite was Mrs. Fetty Physical Science. Mrs. Fetty was just a good person all around and Science is always one of my favorite subjects, her teaching style was easy for my too understand and she related well to her students.

My freshman year has been remarkable and openend my eyes. Its the begging of the end. I'll soon be out of primary school and on to the 11-16 years it takes to get a medical degree. This year has left alot to consider and showed me that I can't just take the easy road anymore.

bittersweet.

Your my indian summer in the middle of this cold harsh ohio winter.

I wish I could show you just how much I care for you, the way you look at me is something I can't replace.

The way you walk and talk, the way your arms come around me just when I need it. You pull me down so hard and pull me right back up. Your the balace I need in my life. Your quite when I'm loud. Your calm when I'm freaking out. I can't even begin to explain the way I feel about you. It all seems like not enough. Everyword you speak to me just makes my day so much better.


Your this feeling I can't describee.

looking foward.

These months can't move fast enough for me.
I'm ready for spring to be here and april.

Freshman year coming to a close is going to be bitter sweet, its like the begging of the end. I dread the next three years, but then i relize, wait thats it. no more easy.

Then i really start to think, what am I gonna do?

College? Military? Work?

How am I gonna get the money for college? What if I don't pass the OGT? I'm not smart enough for college, I'm barley smart enough to get past freshman classes?

I don't take orders well, so does that mean the military isn't an option? How does the military even work? Don't they pay for school?

Even if I can get a job out of high school, its gonna be a crappy minum wadge job, won't it? What happens when I'm 30 and I have kids and need a good paying job?


I don't know where to start, life is no more than choices anymore. I wish these things could be easier, I wish that I had someone to do all the work for me. I wish I could get over my stubborness.

Where to begin....?

sick.

i've been sick since friday.

I almost died saturday working concessions.

i've only been to the first two periods of the day all week.

I feel like I'm gonna cough up my lungs.

I can't breath through my nose.

I hate being sick.

I've read all the twilight books. twice. in a weeks time.

the end.

often.

You would call and I would answer, you would yearn for me, your handiwork
Job 14:15

Psalm 84:2
My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

Romans 6:6
For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with that we should no longer be slaves to sin.

Job 19:27
I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!



I constantly think I have the answer to my questions then it hits me, that I don't and it will be years before I ge the answer to most of my questions.

My stubborness tends to override most of my thoughts that are correct. I often find my self going to other people for help, then today..in english...i know a werid place to relize this. That I shouldn't be going to other people for help, but to god.

I think the most stubborn of my thoughts has been that god does not want to know me, which when I found the verse Job 14:15 I was mistaken and for a moment taken by surprise, how could something so great so wonderful want to know something like me, a sinful humane? then I came across Romans 6:6 and relized that I am new, I am not who I was. I am who I am.



oh, the cliche is all of this.

to thy i cry,,,

"Lord I want to yearn, I want to burn with Passion"

I was listening to Shane and Shane and that lyric really caught my eye, it describes how I've felt lately, I feel the need to be closer with god, I am yearning to be closer to him, its like an empty feeling in my heart. I want to show passion, I want everyone around me to know who I am passionate about.

You would call and I would answer, you would yearn for me, your handiwork
Job 14:15

oh how I love you.

I find it funny how people think the world revolves around them.

When the world most deffly revolves around the sun.


Ha.
anyways.

I hope to find you all well. This week has beenn pretty easy. I'm just waiting for things to pick back up and my head being ready to spin off. Facebook is practically my life now, which is really sad. Well actrully, Family Force 5 and CSI Miami are more of my life than Facebook, but either way its sad.

I've managed to go all week without loosing my cool, I think my "late new years resloution" is working. I still can't even think about drinking hot coffee. I drank too much of it at Winter Retreat..being sleep deperived is not fun...sometimes I wonder why I do these district events. Oh I know whyy! cus there absoutly amazing.

Youth group has been pretty mellow lately, but like i said in my last post, volleyball practice, human video practice will start soon.
Plus shelbs grandma is gonna help me with sign lang. which I'm excited aboutt.

(I'm putting a video of the sign langauge i'll be doing at the bottom of this post)

ladedaa blah blah blahh chikachika.

I don't know what else to say.
other than I love you all.
and uhm

look me up on facebook or myspaccee (:




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2M3E-P4j4U

Winter Retreat 2009

Well, its been awhile..so were do i begin?

I guess I'll just start with Winter Retreat.

It was probly the most amazing district event I've ever been too, I truly belive that the Holy Spirt was present all weekend. I think the thing that cought my attention most was when the girls and boys had split sessions, I don't know if it was because the distraction of boys was gone, or if it was the speaker but it truly was amazing I wish that certin people could of been there to hear it. On a diffrent note I met alot of new people and became closer to many people.

School has been hectic but since exams are over I hope things chill out. We started the 2nd semester which means I now have Photography which I'm super happy about.

at church were starting Volleyball practice for Sudden Impact which means I'm gonna be going crazy once agine with practices. Since I'm entering in four diffrent events.

Human Video
Sign Lang.
Photography.
and Volleyball

Plus!
track is starting soon..

welll thats all for now!
hopefully I'll be able to update sooner!!!

No Title.

"Those who have the nerve to speak, are those worthy of the glory" -C.Accountius.


I have learn that what I say and what I do are two very important things. Anymore I think I'm becoming more and more aware of my actions and less aware of my words. I speak my mind far too much, but in my opion the words you speak are the only thing you have control over. No one can tell you what to say, no matter how hard they try, you will still speak the words you want.

Actions on the other hand..can be stopped. Someone can physically restrain you from making an action, but there is no restraint for words.

Long time no talk.

Looking back on 2008 proves to be a difficult thing for me, 2008 holds alot of great memories but also holds alot of painful things, that don't need to be looked upon. I think one thing I have gain from 2008 is another great youth pastor although Derek is missed dearly, but Andy is the new youth pastor and he has helped me so much. I'm not the same person I was, there were some events that happend that cause me to grow up. I've matured greatly over the year. I think one thing that really caused me to change is my relationship with James, I don't think I've ever felt pain like that, I never thought I would actrully feel my hear break. I'm not sure why things workout the way they do but it always seems to be for the better. I'm trying to start this year out with a postive attitude and I'm thinking of it as a clean slate. Lets see what 2009 has in storee (:

Its been a while.

"She floats in the room, carefully avoiding eye contact. She was the epitome of beauty. Graceful, sweet, elegant. She was everything every girl ever wanted too be. How could something so beautiful, so elegant exsist on such a foul planet. She was perfect, yet every type of evil"

-From the story "mind yet unread" by C.Accountius.

*******************************************************************************




I love writing, it calms me in a sense, takes me out of my crazy world and puts me in someone elses. I write about any and everything. Things that I feel are going to happen and things that have already happend. I write true stories and I write fiction stories. I think maybe english literature is a better path for me. Psychology will always have a chance tho.

What can I say?

I think sometimes people take happiness for granted. Its a hard thing to come by at times. I think true happiness should be cherished. I think diffrent people bring happiness to themselves in diffrent ways, I find happines through musical intruments. Piano and Guitar. I think I'm lucky in someways and unlucky in other ways. I know that I've taken alot for granted over the years and I'm trying to change that, I don't wanna take anything for granted everything is a gift. Everyday is a new begging and a new chance. I think that no big or how small a mistake is you can learn from it.

God gives us the oppurtunity to have eternal life. Takeing that oppurtunity has been the greatest thing I have ever done in my life. I hope people see that it can make you a better person. I try and show that I'm a chirst fallower in everything I do. People are drawn to people with good attitudes. I try and have a postive attitude about everything. No matter how big or how small it is.

I find things difficult at times. but its nice to know that I always have someone there to help me no matter. There is always someone with me where ever I am who ever I'm with. God is always there.

Through God I've Found Eternal Happiness.

Understanding more.

I've come to relize who can be trusted and who can't be. I relize now who I truly can count on and who I can't.

I've seen people that I've helped, not help me when I need it.

I wish people would just relize how unhappy I really am and relize I do need help and I need good friends. but thats impossible to find at school it seems. I feel like theres no one to turn to even if they say you can. My life revolves around one thing and thats god. no matter what you think I love god with all my heart.

Understanding is one thing I find difficult and people mistake acceptance as understanding all the time. I accept most thing, but I don't understand much.

I'm smart, I think I am the "shit" if you will. and I don't care if you like that or not. Don't be my friend if you don't like it. Don't be fake to me. I'm good at reading emotions and thoughts through body lang. and tone of voice.

I find people underestimating me funny and people think my methods are crazy and will never work. But they just don't see the logic behinde it all.

I'm a very logical person things must make sense in order for them to be correct. I don't think anyone in high school knows what love is. I understand loving someone, but being in love with someone, I just don't see that happening to anyone in high school specially the lowerclassman. yes I'm including myself in that. I may only be 16 and may be the size of a 12 year old. But I have the mind of a 19 year old. I think everything out before I give an answer.

If your insecure with yourself, don't bring me down cause your down. I'm happy with who I am and if your not, then don't bother me with it.

9th post and counting.

I've got to get everything out there, I'm tired of lying to the people I love.

Things to know about Carol:

I'm 16, I think I would know how old I am. kthanks.

I work at Starbucks.

I am a Christian and I belive in god with everything I have.

I use to lie like a crazy person, but in the past year, thats changed.

I love my friends and I would do anything for them.

I had a brother, he passed away April 2006 he was 15.

I have a Half Sister thats 20 and in college.

I have went through some rough times with my parents but thats slowly starting to get better.

I have trust issues when it comes to guys.

I've been left and forgotten one too many times.

I cry when I'm stressed, anxious, happy, sad and angry. So in other words I cry alot.

I'm very blunt and harsh at times and I'm trying to change that.

I speak whats on my mind and thats not always the best choice.

I've learned when to bite my tounge and keep quite.

I know how to keep a secret but if it puts yourself or someone else in danger I might just tell.

I like watching people, to see where they've been and where there going to end up.

Ick.
Today has been crappy, I still feel like bawling my eyes out for no good reason, which makes no sense, but thats just how I feel, I didn't go to school today and my mom doesn't know it. and I feel kind bad, I might tell her. I don't know.

Its been raining which sucks even more. I've been trying to fallow Andys advice but yeah, not working so well :/ Sometimes I wish I could just go back to when life was easy, but I don't think thats happening any time soon.

I think I broke my toe...with a shampoo bottle. Don't ask me how cause all I know is I dropped it and it hurts now. I'm so tired. but I can't sleep idk why. I've been really anxious lately my mom thinks its from all the caffine I've been drinking at work and all the Red Bulls I drink.





Sometimes I just wanna scream.

Which song to singg?

I"m trying to choose my song for Sudden Impact and I've got it down to two.
but I still can't decide.

I'm between two Stellar Kart Songs

Me and Jesus-Stellar Kart

Life is Good-Stellar Kart

I don't know which onee.

What do you think >?

:)

lalalalala, My day was pretty good, alittle interesting, I'm staying with my friend Cassady tonight. and I think I'm playing hookie tomarrow no schooolll :p. my mom doesnt kno that (shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) uhm my week has been pretty boring other than that, I mean Wednesday night was interesting but it was just a bunch of drama that I don't wanna deal with.

I might take a break from youth group atleast till Winter Retreat but I'm not sure yet. I've been really stressed latley and I don't wanna overload myself. I'm known for doing that. I;ve been getting better about praying before I eating which it a good thing. uhmm. My phone will be here next week which makes me extremly happy Red LG Shine.


My german teacher belongs in a stright jacket I swear to you. She is batty. maybe its cause next year she's loosing her job to a robot. I don't know.

I did it!

I finally played Rain Down with minimal mistakes.
I was so proud of myselfff (: now I just got to get singing it at the same time down. Hopefully that won't be too hard.

Rain Down-Delirous?

Looks tonight the sky is heavy
Feels like the winds are gonna change
beneath my feet the earth is ready.
I know its time for heavns rain
its gonna rain
yeah yeah.


cus its living water we desire to flood our hearts with holy fire.

rain down all around the world were singing
rain down.
can you hear earth is singing rain down
my heart is dry but still i'm singing rain down
rain it down.


********************************************

I love that songgg.

School tomarrow.

Yick, gotta go to school tomarrow, three day week. Student Council meeting, not really sure if I'm looking foward to that. I love my school but there ridculous at times. I wish they would hurry up and send us our PSAT scores. that would be great, so I can see how bad I did. Today was interesting to say the least. Talked to Andy for a bit about this weekend. Then went with my mother to vote. Go McCain. Church tomarrow, fun? maybe? well see. Novemember 12th is me and shelbys first human video practice. fun fun fun. I started looking at chirstmas presents this week. I've found nothingg, I need to go to eastonn. No work today. or tomarrow. but then I work 6 days before I get another day off. yikess.

Its hot in here...which is werid, cause I'm usually cold. and its 70 outside and its novemember..somethings not right there. But I'm not gonna complain, I hate the cold. Winter Retreat is getting closer and closer makes me happy (: I get my new phone next month. LG Shine. I went crazy last night and ordered 250$ worth of hollister clothes off line. but I'm glad, I needed new clothes. My moms not gonna be happy. but oh weellll. Uh, i guess thats it for nnowww.