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"Those who have the nerve to speak, are those worthy of the glory" -C.Accountius.


I have learn that what I say and what I do are two very important things. Anymore I think I'm becoming more and more aware of my actions and less aware of my words. I speak my mind far too much, but in my opion the words you speak are the only thing you have control over. No one can tell you what to say, no matter how hard they try, you will still speak the words you want.

Actions on the other hand..can be stopped. Someone can physically restrain you from making an action, but there is no restraint for words.

Long time no talk.

Looking back on 2008 proves to be a difficult thing for me, 2008 holds alot of great memories but also holds alot of painful things, that don't need to be looked upon. I think one thing I have gain from 2008 is another great youth pastor although Derek is missed dearly, but Andy is the new youth pastor and he has helped me so much. I'm not the same person I was, there were some events that happend that cause me to grow up. I've matured greatly over the year. I think one thing that really caused me to change is my relationship with James, I don't think I've ever felt pain like that, I never thought I would actrully feel my hear break. I'm not sure why things workout the way they do but it always seems to be for the better. I'm trying to start this year out with a postive attitude and I'm thinking of it as a clean slate. Lets see what 2009 has in storee (:

Its been a while.

"She floats in the room, carefully avoiding eye contact. She was the epitome of beauty. Graceful, sweet, elegant. She was everything every girl ever wanted too be. How could something so beautiful, so elegant exsist on such a foul planet. She was perfect, yet every type of evil"

-From the story "mind yet unread" by C.Accountius.

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I love writing, it calms me in a sense, takes me out of my crazy world and puts me in someone elses. I write about any and everything. Things that I feel are going to happen and things that have already happend. I write true stories and I write fiction stories. I think maybe english literature is a better path for me. Psychology will always have a chance tho.

What can I say?

I think sometimes people take happiness for granted. Its a hard thing to come by at times. I think true happiness should be cherished. I think diffrent people bring happiness to themselves in diffrent ways, I find happines through musical intruments. Piano and Guitar. I think I'm lucky in someways and unlucky in other ways. I know that I've taken alot for granted over the years and I'm trying to change that, I don't wanna take anything for granted everything is a gift. Everyday is a new begging and a new chance. I think that no big or how small a mistake is you can learn from it.

God gives us the oppurtunity to have eternal life. Takeing that oppurtunity has been the greatest thing I have ever done in my life. I hope people see that it can make you a better person. I try and show that I'm a chirst fallower in everything I do. People are drawn to people with good attitudes. I try and have a postive attitude about everything. No matter how big or how small it is.

I find things difficult at times. but its nice to know that I always have someone there to help me no matter. There is always someone with me where ever I am who ever I'm with. God is always there.

Through God I've Found Eternal Happiness.

Understanding more.

I've come to relize who can be trusted and who can't be. I relize now who I truly can count on and who I can't.

I've seen people that I've helped, not help me when I need it.

I wish people would just relize how unhappy I really am and relize I do need help and I need good friends. but thats impossible to find at school it seems. I feel like theres no one to turn to even if they say you can. My life revolves around one thing and thats god. no matter what you think I love god with all my heart.

Understanding is one thing I find difficult and people mistake acceptance as understanding all the time. I accept most thing, but I don't understand much.

I'm smart, I think I am the "shit" if you will. and I don't care if you like that or not. Don't be my friend if you don't like it. Don't be fake to me. I'm good at reading emotions and thoughts through body lang. and tone of voice.

I find people underestimating me funny and people think my methods are crazy and will never work. But they just don't see the logic behinde it all.

I'm a very logical person things must make sense in order for them to be correct. I don't think anyone in high school knows what love is. I understand loving someone, but being in love with someone, I just don't see that happening to anyone in high school specially the lowerclassman. yes I'm including myself in that. I may only be 16 and may be the size of a 12 year old. But I have the mind of a 19 year old. I think everything out before I give an answer.

If your insecure with yourself, don't bring me down cause your down. I'm happy with who I am and if your not, then don't bother me with it.

9th post and counting.

I've got to get everything out there, I'm tired of lying to the people I love.

Things to know about Carol:

I'm 16, I think I would know how old I am. kthanks.

I work at Starbucks.

I am a Christian and I belive in god with everything I have.

I use to lie like a crazy person, but in the past year, thats changed.

I love my friends and I would do anything for them.

I had a brother, he passed away April 2006 he was 15.

I have a Half Sister thats 20 and in college.

I have went through some rough times with my parents but thats slowly starting to get better.

I have trust issues when it comes to guys.

I've been left and forgotten one too many times.

I cry when I'm stressed, anxious, happy, sad and angry. So in other words I cry alot.

I'm very blunt and harsh at times and I'm trying to change that.

I speak whats on my mind and thats not always the best choice.

I've learned when to bite my tounge and keep quite.

I know how to keep a secret but if it puts yourself or someone else in danger I might just tell.

I like watching people, to see where they've been and where there going to end up.

Ick.
Today has been crappy, I still feel like bawling my eyes out for no good reason, which makes no sense, but thats just how I feel, I didn't go to school today and my mom doesn't know it. and I feel kind bad, I might tell her. I don't know.

Its been raining which sucks even more. I've been trying to fallow Andys advice but yeah, not working so well :/ Sometimes I wish I could just go back to when life was easy, but I don't think thats happening any time soon.

I think I broke my toe...with a shampoo bottle. Don't ask me how cause all I know is I dropped it and it hurts now. I'm so tired. but I can't sleep idk why. I've been really anxious lately my mom thinks its from all the caffine I've been drinking at work and all the Red Bulls I drink.





Sometimes I just wanna scream.